Doubt and Determination are currently battling within my thought process.  There is a Badless song called “Fear of Falling”.  The song includes the lyrics “I have no fear of falling, but I hate hitting the ground”. Nothing could be closer to the truth.  It’s comforting to hear from others that this is a long process and you won’t know much in the early days.  Knowing this is partially comforting, but the challenge ahead is still daunting.

There is a point after the excitement of making your game dies down and reality sinks in.  You start to see other developers work and question your own ability.  You look out at the vast amount of tasks to be learned and think your in way over your head.  I’ve already had those thoughts multiple times.  That feeling that this is impossible.

Ironically the coding aspect of game development is my least worry.  Coding can be learned, heck code can be copied for certain tasks.  Google is an amazing resource for finding answers to problems and they can be overcome.  Art Design is my worry.  I’m not opposed to using store bought assets. But I don’t want my game to be an asset flip.  Animation would be the second worry.  I look forward to learning animation. But I’m terrified of the results.

Marketing, social media, promotion, starting an actual company, more doubts.  Because eventually if all goes well this “hobby” will turn into something larger.  Growth is both exciting and terrifying.  The positive side of many of these doubts is that they are perfectly normal.  Because all doubts can be overcome with a little determination.

I want to code more, I want to take more classes, I want to spend more time.  Balancing a full time job, family responsibilities, and development is not easy.  I also like to actually play games and have free time.  I want to learn so much and spend time coding my game. But I don’t want to overload or get ahead of myself.  Very early in my process I thought I had my game set.  It was simple and I was prepared to start building levels.  Then I took another course and realized I was starting over.  Because each new step in the learning process brings new opportunity.  And with opportunity comes change, and many changes there were.

With each new tutorial I come up with new game ideas.  Coming up with game ideas is where I thought my initial challenge would fall.  But suddenly I have tons of games I want to make.  I have my long term goal, the project that has no timeline.  So now I’ve set a goal to complete something smaller sooner.  Releasing a game, even a small game, will help justify what I am doing.

I find myself looking for opportunities for time.  Taking classes during my lunch, reading a book while waiting to pickup the kids.  And I enjoy practicing and showing off my artwork on Instagram.  Seeing progress helps keep things exciting.

This blog, and the goal of a new post each Thursday, will help drive my determination.  I’m thinking each week where I’m at and where I’d like to go next.  Setting mini goals along the way, keeping things fresh.  Towards an eventual goal of releasing that first major game, whenever that may be.